As our economic recession deepens, leading astrologists are lobbying to have their profession revered by the Irish public and policy officials. Since astrologists have predicted 24 of the last 3 solar eclipses, they clearly could play a major role in influencing Irish enterprise strategy and policy.
In the light of some astrologists incorrect conjectures in 2008 that the Irish economy would have a soft landing from the global downturn, it has emerged that in fact a range of alternative predictions for the recovery or otherwise of the economy were actually made by their colleagues: a U-shaped recovery, a V-shaped recovery, an L-shaped stagnation, a W-shaped double bounce, an O-shaped Groundhog-day stasis, and an I-shaped off-the-cliff collapse. Astrology therefore clearly has the ability to predict any specific actual outcome.
Astrologists have dismissed as naive the insights of a colleague of Laurence J. Peter, a well known educationalist, who noted that “an astrologist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted today didn’t happen yesterday”.
In view of the importance of hindsight in identifying accurate astrological predictions, astrologists feel strongly that the Government should massively increase funding in the number of PhD students studying astrology. More astrologists implies many more predictions, and some minority of them will then almost certainly be correct. In fact, the more astrologists we can produce, the more predictions we can then make, and the more certainty we can have that astrology will correctly predict the future of the Irish economy. While not all graduating astrologists may actually get jobs in astrology, nevertheless the intellectual property generated by their myriad PhD theses could be of some value in the predictive arts. This in turn could help rebrand Ireland as the land of “saints, sages and savants” which would clearly in turn greatly increase foreign direct investment as multinationals flock here to understand what the future holds.
Some astrologists are apparently deeply concerned by the Government’s current policy of fostering research in the pure sciences, engineering and mathematics. As a soft social science, astrology is clearly under threat from the more pure analytical approach which hard science can provide. Hard scientific approaches could damage the astrologists innovative speculations, and hinder the emergence of a smartly forecasted economy.
Investment in astrology would also help staunch the growing unemployment rates. State investment in astrology would clearly create jobs. “Astrology is extremely useful as a form of employment for astrologists” claimed John Kenneth Galbright.
His colleague and well known economist John Kenneth Galbraith strongly supports the role which astrology could play on our economic recovery: “The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable”.